Within this month I’ve had at least three distinct moments where I feel like I’ve gone out of my body. I don’t mean a Enter the Void style, third-person floating above and/or behind myself and watching my body, but I mean that I’ve felt myself sort of…jump out from my head, through my eyes, and into the world.
I’m a spacey kinda cat, generally lost in my thoughts and daydreaming, creating, and evaluating on multiple levels instead of engaged with my immediate surroundings, so this experience is a bit jarring, but also exhilarating. I have a prominent internal monologue that’s constantly running unless I’m extremely lost in whatever work I’m doing or moment I’m in. Even in moments I’m invested in, I still feel I’m experiencing it from my body, from my position, from my vantage point, and I believe there’s always a divide and a division between me and the world.
But some weeks ago listening to the new Broken Bells record, I started feeling like I was melting into the world, like I was a dotted line: a general form was there but the world was flowing in and out of me.
The second time was this past weekend talking with two of my friends. I felt myself dissolve into the world and it was like I left my head and could notice every itty, bitty detail of the suburban street and houses with full clarity.
Most recently it happened while showering.
I can’t explain it. I don’t want to. I very much like that feeling. It’s like my spirit is getting into the world, like I’m not stuck within myself and I’m actually inside of the whole world. I go from having a perspective to being inside what I’m perceiving. I go from being aware to becoming the thing I’m aware of. I am part of the air around the music. I am part of that suburban street and my friends. I am part of the tiles I stared at in the shower.