If you know me or have read some of my past writing, you may know I grapple with excessive levels of self-doubt, overthinking, second-guessing, pessimism, and darkness. I also have the unfortunate trait of openly expressing these pits in confidence with those who may be turned off seeing sides of me that’s anything outside of funny, smart, or suave.
These pitfalls are crucial to who I am as a person. First of all, I think it’s important to be humble. Be humble and proud of your own skills and accomplishments for your own fulfillment and not just to brag about it. Another explanation for my public doubt is my desire to intentionally jam the typical happy-go-lucky, life-is-perfect, look-at-all-the-awesome-things-I’m-doing content on social media by broadcasting some of the grittier and rawer parts of my personal life. I don’t think the world benefits from an individual exhibiting the same levels of positive spin as a political campaign.
This being said, I’ve had a recent change in mentality. I’m done questioning myself. I’m done gauging my interests and my ideas before I can feel comfortable pursuing them. I’m done with the constant need to qualify my ideas or actions with another person. I’m determined to be more positive and, above all, to be more encouraging to both myself and to others.
The world is indifferent. Bad things don’t necessarily happen to you because you did something bad or because the world is inherently bad. It just doesn’t give a shit. It really truly does not give a shit, which is heartbreaking because we would benefit from the world giving even a little bit of a shit, it would make life more meaningful and enjoyable, but it doesn’t.
So the onus is on people. I need to care about myself so I can go about my life in a positive and passionate manner which will inspire others to care about themselves, and when they care about themselves they can then go and spread that care around. This is what makes the world more bearable. These are the simple, intangible transactions in attitude that translate into massive changes and improvements on personal, societal, and global levels.
So this is a new commitment. A commitment to myself to care about my dreams and to believe in my ability to realize them. This is my commitment to write and perform pieces that ultimately inspire, encourage, or uplift in some way, even if it’s dealing with sad, dark, taboo, or boring issues. If anything, it’s more important for me to go toe-to-toe with the issues and topics we don’t want to acknowledge. This includes stuff like mortality, dissolved relationships and marriages, apathy, marginalized populations, and even the self-doubt I am trying to steer away from. But I will address my flaws and faults with a perspective that the add meat to my personality and that believing in myself despite these imperfections makes me human, which is the most beautiful thing a human can be.
Maybe this is all steam and hot air. Even if it is and I change my mind, I will believe in the pivot and go forth without regret or self-defeat. I will have faith in myself and I will write material that allows you to have faith in yourself and maybe even the indifferent world we live in. I have a new focus on encouragement because the world does not give a shit but I want you to know I do and I know you can give a shit too.