The Worst Presentation

“I have to make a presentation tomorrow in front of a large group of very important people.”

‘Are you nervous? You don’t have to be nervous, well you are, but why are you so nervous, what’s the worst that could happen?’

“I’m up there, way too nervous, and get a shaky voice which rattles the confidence of these investors, thus making them question the project altogether. It’s the worst presentation ever, so I lose the deal and my job.”

‘No that’s not the worst. The worst would be this:

You stand in front of them, remote control in hand, and as you go to change the slide your pants grow a distinct wet spot right around your crotch. It’s immediately noticeable through your khaki pants, and the stench causes the investors to wince and cover their noses while running away. Amid this commotion, two of the investors knock into one another and rip through the slideshow screen. One investor, the oldest one, clenches his chest and keels over suffering, what seems to be, a massive heart attack. As his vital organ clogs itself, you go over to help only to notice the strain in his chest has caused an outpouring of blood to his crotch. Now he’s got a tent which rips through his pants. Everybody notices the oddly misshapen thing he’s been hiding, completely forgets about his current heart attack, and so he dies. As you kneel near a, *cough* *cough*, stiff corpse, three EMTs run to the room and immediately blame you as the aggressor. This leads to a lengthy trial the press entitles, “The Final Boner” and, since the deceased investor is connected, his team of lawyers and supporters see fit that you go to jail for the remainder of your life where you get to stamp the date on old library books that nobody wants to read anymore all while being tickled by bearded predators who keep asking if you want to see a boner of their own.’


Use your voice

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